Welcome to the New Normal

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A friend who had a baby six months ago wrote to me last night that she was waiting for things to return to normal.  Those weren’t her exact words, but it got me thinking about parenting and how things are never the same again.   With the birth of a child, comes the birth of a new normal.  And the normal changes from hour to hour, day by day, week by week.  That’s the thing about parenting:  you think you’re onto something and the game changes or the rules change.   But the really crazy thing about the new normal?  You wouldn’t have it any other way.

Normal used to be eight or more hours of uninterrupted sleep, coupled with naps on the weekends.  The new normal is rarely getting a night of uninterrupted sleep and when you do, you panic and run to the child’s room to make sure he or she is still breathing.  Or, on nights you could be sleeping, you lie awake and watch them sleep.  This new normal isn’t so bad after all because it’s tiny toes in your side or snoring in your arms.  The sleep thing is one of the hardest parts of the new normal, but eventually, (they say), it gets easier.Continue Reading

Stopping the Inner Critic

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Twelve years ago, my husband took this photo of me taking a picture on a beach in Ireland.  I found it last night in an album in the attic while looking for another photo.  I haven’t looked at the album in many years and I was struck by the girl I saw.  It was like stepping back in time.  I miss some things about the trip and her, but I don’t miss the unhealthy obsession I had with being so very thin.

In this photo, I am 25 years old, and I am almost 30 pounds lighter than I am now.  At 5′ 5″, size 0 clothes hung from my body and I often bought children’s jeans.   And while this is natural for some, I had to work very hard to stay this weight; my body fought me at every turn and so, I did it in ways that weren’t healthy.  I watched every single thing I ate on that trip (and always) and often, I didn’t eat at all.  I took all the right supplements and sometimes a diet pill. I worked out religiously.  And while I was thinner and more in shape than I am now, it was actually an obsession and it spanned the decade of my 20s.  I never felt like I looked thin enough.  The inner critic was so strong even then, even at the weight I thought I needed to be.

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To All the New Moms

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To all the new moms:

This is a photo of me with my son when he was born.  This is the first time I really held him and looked into the face I would come to know anywhere.  This small boy made me a mother and I am eternally grateful and forever in love.

But I so remember what followed this photo, after this state of pure adoration staring at a sleeping baby who had already stolen my heart.

Suddenly, I felt disoriented and confused and unsure.  I couldn’t find my footing.  My whole life had been turned on a dime and while I thought I was completely prepared and it was a welcomed and wanted change, it was harder than I ever would have guessed.

Having a new baby is disorienting in ways you can’t understand until you’re there and in it.  The exhaustion and worry, the love so very strong you think your heart will burst, the realization that the world will never ever look the same.  You see colors you never knew existed; flowers smell different; the sun is blinding and the night is so very dark.  And with this heightened awareness through the eyes of your newborn, there is also worry like you’ve never felt, as your senses are alerted to danger in places you never saw it before.

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To the New Mom I Just Met

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We just met today on the walk through town, and I’m just not sure I said the right words to you. I did try, but I wanted to try again.

Our schedule was off today. Really, we were all off today. I had so much caffeine that my heart felt like it was skipping a beat. I’m not proud of that, really, but it is the reality and the result of another night of poor sleep (the baby is partially to blame, but I take responsibility, too; I’m a horrible sleeper). The baby took her nap this morning, and so we missed our morning walk–the one we all count on to start these long days. So, instead, we took an afternoon walk to the candy store, stopping quite a few times on our way to chat or for my older son to pet someone’s dog. If we had walked at our normal time, we wouldn’t have met you, so I’m glad our day wasn’t going as it normally does.Continue Reading